Editor’s Note: This poignant submission comes from a student we’ll refer to as “Jack.” Jack is the first incarcerated individual to participate in the CMC program. Correctional facilities often lack the chaplaincy resources and the choice of teaching offered by CHS.
While serving a life sentence, Jack found himself in a position where others within his community often sought his spiritual guidance.
Although he initially felt uncomfortable as a leader at the program’s outset, the journey of self-reflection and learning that the CMC provided gradually transformed into a newfound self-confidence and a more profound sense of personal and community (local and in the broader world) responsibility.
Personal Reflection on a 13-Month Journey
This assignment asks some deceptively difficult questions. What was the most important section? It’s difficult to place one over the others generally, as far as learning impact, but the most important section for me was Module 2: Ethics & Personal Responsibility. This is due to the fact that it was during this module that I made some of the greatest strides within myself. I did some very difficult journaling in response to this module’s coursework, much more than I included in the Spiritual Timeline assignment actually. This presented the opportunity to dig deeper than I had before, and come to some greater understanding and terms with my life’s journey thus far. The work of this module, and the next, Module 3: Diversity, Culture & Sexuality, were the most personally important for my self-growth. Though I must re-iterate it’s quite difficult to place one module over the others as the single most important for learning impact.
In considering the questions posed, I find myself both amazed and a bit melancholy. This ending is bittersweet. I’ve immensely enjoyed this journey, which makes its ending a little bitter, and yet it’s sweet in that I’m awed by it. I’m amazed in the sense of someone who, after an arduous climb, reaches a summit and turns to find that a beautiful vista lies behind them. The CMC has been enriching in ways that I wasn’t expecting. It has widened the scope of my work far beyond anything that I intended when it began. I started out with the thought and intent of improving my skills, and maybe adding a few new tools to my belt. However, I’ve definitely been changed by an expansion of vision; my simple work has grown into a vision of ministry and service to not only my little circle but to all of The Mothers’ children. The CMC has caused me to explore myself and consider things in ways that I wasn’t expecting or intending; not confined to teaching a few skills or techniques for being a better Pagan practitioner or the leader of a circle, this course has taught me that we who practice and lead must have a wider gaze and accept serving with a greater responsibility. I’m not the same Pagan that I was at the beginning. I am, to quote a certain 7o’s TV show, “better, stronger, faster”. I’m a better leader and servant, better educated, and better in myself. I’m stronger in my resolve and confidence in doing the work, and stronger for the skills that I’ve gained. I’m faster too, faster in stepping up to accept the responsibility to minister to any who come to me, faster in responding to the needs of my community, and faster in recognizing those needs.
What I’ll do differently is simply this: I’ll go forward with a greater sense of mission and purpose. I’ll walk on as a minister and servant of not just one little circle of Pagans but as one servant of The Mother.
To those who come after me on this path I would say this: if you intended to just pick up a few skills, or become better for just your own little circle, be prepared to have your eyes opened, your mind blown, and your expectations greatly exceeded. “Buckle-up Bunky, you’re in for quite a ride!”
